The recent rise of the internet has made it possible for anyone to become an overnight sensation. Sometimes I wonder if that's even a good thing anymore. it started out okay, sure, but now everyone with any hint of talent is doing everything they can to promote themselves on the internet, myself included.

I'm just as guilty as everyone else, but even so, I wonder what this is doing to the world. We're already a society obsessed with people's opinions of us. Now with being able to throw yourself into the world, it's gotten even worse.

I find myself using the internet as a strategic marketing tool. What happened to using the internet for fun? When did everyone become obsessed with follower counts and page views?

Everyone wants to be liked. It's human nature. But has the internet taken it too far? Used correctly, it's awesome. It's so much fun to make a youtube video doing something you love. Blogging can be a great outlet of emotion. The internet can be a great tool in getting yourself out there.

I don't know, though. Once you get sucked in it stops being about what you love and starts being about how many people saw your video or how many followers you have. You lose one and you question everything you've done. The people who can see past that are the lucky few. For the rest of us, the internet causes more self esteem issues than it has stopped.

Sometimes, the internet makes me feel awesome about myself. I can't tell you how much more confident in my singing I am now that I have a youtube channel. But one negative comment never goes away. It sticks with you.

For example. One pet peeve of mine is the dislike button on youtube. What purpose does that serve other than to make the uploader feel like shit? Nothing. The only thing that button does is generate negativity and hate. In addition, people think they can say anything online. Would you say that to someone's face? I sincerely doubt it.

I don't know. I just feel like the internet stopped being about fun a long time ago. Now it's just a lineup of wannabes trying to make it in the world. I won't deny that I'm one of them. I just wonder sometimes what it's come to.

There's so much talent in the world, and I'm so glad I've been exposed to it online, but it just seems stressful now-a-days. Not to mention, I miss handwritten letters. What happened to talking to someone face to face? Or on the phone?

I may have been born into the technological generation, but I do remember what it was like before all of it. To be honest, I miss it. Sometimes I wonder if we're advancing just for the sake of advancing. It's far off, but I worry for my children. Will they ever even touch a real book? Will they be glued to their phones at age five? Will they even see their friends in person?

Technology is awesome in moderation, but I think the entire world is overdosing. I think I might just limit myself. The more detached from the internet I get, the more fun it will be.

So here's to not letting the entire world--literally-- dictate what you do. I'm going to go outside. I'm going to talk to people in person. I'm going to stop living my life on the internet. It's doing more harm than good right now, at least for me.

It's been a long time. I miss writing. I miss summer. I miss who I was during the summer. College has gotten the best of me. I've become a hermit. Honestly, I just want to be a typical college kid. I want to go out. I want to party. But, no. I'm just me. I can't let go of my stupid morals and my over excessive hatred of people. So I just sit in my room and play music. And write. And draw. Boom. Hermit.

Lately, I've just wanted to live life. I feel like I'm missing out on so much. I've never had a drink in my life. I've never kissed a boy. I've been to one real party in my life, and I left it in hysterical tears. THAT'S how uncomfortable I was. I've been to a club once, and all we did was stand there awkwardly until we left. I just want to go nuts, for once in my life. I'm not saying I want to go out and get wasted every night, but my God. I just want to have a little fun.

Now that I'm fully fledged into ranting mode, I feel like all I do is complain. I've been doing pretty well. Just gotta find my groove. I suppose. I don't know. I just see everyone going off to college and having fun, and I'm just sitting here like, "Oh, hey. I'll just go chill in my room." The only problem, though, is that I swear, I hate everyone. The noise level on my floor drives me insane. I barely speak in my classes. So. The question is not, "why am I not having fun?" rather, it is: "Why do I hate everyone?" I just want to make friends. I skype my best friend an unhealthy amount, I'm sure.

Hm. I'm not really sure what to do, at this point in my life. I refuse to become the type of person I despise, but I also refuse to keep living like this. If you can even call it living.

I just want to live.

It's been a while since I've written. Anything. Perhaps it's the somber emptiness of my room, or the whirlwind of changes that are about to arrive, but I felt like I should write. Something. Anything.

I wondered if anyone would care. If anyone even reads this. This is kind of like my personal online diary, in a way. I get to make layouts as often or as little as I want. I can write to my heart's extent, and I can share my work with the world-- photography, graphics, websites. It really is a beatiful thing, whether it reaches people or not.

I move into my dorm on Sunday. It's a surreal feeling. It hasn't quite hit me yet. But, as I look around my strangely quiet and empty room, I know it's happening. My cat is snoozing on my bed. I'm going to miss her. She's been my best friend for eleven years. More than just my cat, I'm going to miss my actual best friend. It'll be weird not being able to just up and drive to her. I'm going to miss my family. As much as I don't want to admit it, I know I will. I'm going to miss my skating coach. I about crashed my car on the way home from my last practice. He's been my coach since I was four.

New beginnings are scary. Exciting, yes, but scary. I'm not sure what to make of it all. Maybe I'll find my way. Maybe I won't. The only way to find out is to try. Let's hope I don't get lost along the way...