I've been reflecting a lot lately about relationships. shocker. I find it hard to understand them. I'm perpetually baffled by the way in which we interact with each other.

There are some people I see popping up on my facebook that I used to be close with-- best friends, in fact. However, we don't even speak, anymore. the person that I knew everything about became the person I know nothing about. The girl that once called me crying, hysterical over a break up, that I drove to immediately, canceling everything, is now the girl who comes to my city and I only know because of facebook. All of a sudden, I'm heartbroken that the friendship died. I wonder if it's not too late. I wonder if I should reach out. I know the answer, though. I tried. If we were still supposed to be friends, we would be.

There is a saying about friendships. Some people are only in your life for a certain amount of time. Something like that. It's a lot more poetic. I being to wonder if I lost that friendship to make room for others. Right now, I have the best friend I could possibly ask for. When we're in the same city, we're practically connected at the hip. I can tell her anything. She's more than my best friend. She's my other half. She's my sister. If my friendship that I just talked about hadn't have died, it's possible I never would've reconnected with my best friend now. Although I'm sad to see one good friendship end, I am so happy that it did.

But then there are the friends from high school I still have. It's hard to keep in touch when you're miles away. There are four other people from back home that I truly want to stay connected with. All of them are busy. It's difficult to find time to talk. I fear every day that the friendships will fade.

On the flip side, though, the friends I've made recently are the best people I could've possibly ever met. I went on a retreat almost a month ago, and I can't even find the words to describe how wonderful my retreat family is. The friendships I made on that are beautiful and I love every second I get to spend with those people. I also have three really good friends on my floor. One of which is the first real friend I ever made at college. We met the first week and still hang out. For a while, she was my only friend here.

It's crazy that in the midst of past relationships dying, so many new ones can form. I will always be sad about losing the friends that I have, and if they ever need me, I will always be there. Instead of looking backwards, though, I'm going to look forward. I have friends that I, honestly, just met, and yet they've been able to lift me through what has quite possibly been the hardest time of my freshman year. I would do anything for them. Friendships like that don't just happen every day.

As I sit here, typing the night away, I've been able to realize all this. Cherish the people you have. Stop looking to the past and open your eyes to what's right in front of you.

I'm back home again for the weekend. Lying in bed, my thoughts wandered to my old teachers. The adults that were in my life pre-college. I miss them.

With friends, it's easy. You text them, you hang out, done. With adults, though, it's a whole different ball game. What do you do? Do you text them ask them to do lunch? Do you drop by a practice or by the school and just casually say hello? There's no rulebook on how to navigate student-teacher relationships once the student is no longer a student.

These people were a significant part of my life. Sometimes, they were there when nobody else was. A few of my teachers kept me sane, especially during my senior year of high school. They kept me from doing insanely stupid things. They play a huge role in who I am, now. They meant-- and still mean-- a lot to me. So what now? An email here and there? Saying hello when you drop by randomly?

It's just so strange. I haven't quite been able to figure it out, yet. The transition is awkward, to me, at least. Heck, I'm not even sure I didn't drive them nuts last year. How do I even know they want to keep in contact?

I don't know. I just wish there was an unwritten rule on how to deal with these kinds of things. I miss these people, and I want them to stay in my life.

Maybe they're slowly drifting away for a reason. Maybe I'm trying to hold on for too long. I don't know. All I know is, I miss them.

But really. Do we meet for coffee or something? I have no idea.

Sometimes I wonder why I'm still skating while I'm in college. I'm too old to qualify for anything. I don't coach. Well, I don't coach yet, anyway. There are ten year olds on the ice that are better than me. On Monday, I skated with high school students working on triples. So why bother? Right?

Wrong. Even though it doesn't really make all that much sense for me to continue, skating is a part of who I am. I've been skating basically since I could walk. I took two years off when I was younger and hated every second of it. I cried about it all the time. It was terrible. And sure, I got distracted with dance and show choir, but I don't regret that. In all honesty, it made me a better skater. The time off made me realize how much I love it.

I don't know. I just can't imagine ever not skating. Even when I was off the ice, I always believed I would skate again. I just love it too much.

I can't really explain to you why. I just do. Landing a jump is quite possibly the best feeling in the world. It's so motivating, too. I've been landing my jumps, finally, and now I just want to skate even more. I mean, it's about time I made some progress. I've been in the same spot basically all through high school. But anyway. I just love it. Like I said, I can't explain it.

Skating has taught me so much about my life, so much about myself. Through skating, I've met the best people. I've had the same coach since I was like, I don't even know. Five, maybe? I still refuse to accept the fact that I need to get a new coach. It's actually kind of counterproductive.

Skating, for me, is so much more than a sport. In the end, I'm glad it was skating. I'm glad I didn't end up a dance major. I'm glad I didn't go to a college with a show choir. While I still love dance and show choir, I'm just glad it ended with skating.

My new friend from synchro, which I've recently taken up, posted a picture of our feet in skates. She posted the caption, "This is how our feet were born. In ice skates." I don't think there's ever been a more accurate statement about me ever made.

I feel like I'm just kind of rambling on, I don't know. All I know is, I love to skate. And whether that takes me anywhere, I don't care. I just want to be the best skater I can be before I can't skate anymore. Let's face it. Once I get a real job and live in the real world, there might not be any opportunities for me to skate. I want to pass my tests now. I want to enjoy it now.

Hopefully, though, I'll skate forever.